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Ambiguous Racial Identity

Question
My son was born in Brazil, where there are a variety of races and many mixed race people. Saying that someone is Brazilian really doesn't say anything about his or her race. We can raise him with an awareness of Brazilian culture, but I'm not sure what racial group he will identify with as an adult, or be identified as by other people; Latino? African? White? Race isn't as big a factor in Brazil as in the U.S., from what I have read, but it definitely is a factor in terms of socio-economic status. How do we help him form a racial identity when he is a mixture of races, and we aren't even sure what those are? Thanks.

Answer
The fact that you delineate the issues so well demonstrates your sensitivity and commitment to being a parent who provides your son with all the positive aspects of his heritage. He will benefit from your willingness to address the complexities of his identity. Keep up the good work!

Cultural Heritage
As a Brazilian, your son deserves to understand his cultural connection in the fullest way possible. His racial composite does not affect this heritage. He is and always will be Brazilian by birth, so connecting to Brazilian people as well as learning the history, language(s) and culture of his homeland will be greatly to his benefit. Brazilian culture is complex. Books, pictures and visits are all wonderful but getting to know people is the best way for any of us to truly understand the diverse variety of a culture. The best link you can forge for your son is to connect him to Brazilians within your community. If there are none, connect him to others of Latino, African American and multiracial heritages who will share his experience of being a person of color in the US.

Telling The Truth When It Inflicts Pain
Sometimes parents with children of unknown heritage are tempted to consider naming a likely heritage because of their eagerness to allow their child to have a clear racial identity. Although tempting from the point of view of protecting an already vulnerable child (having been adopted by parents of another race and from another country) from another potentially painful reality, it is nevertheless dangerous to the adopted child's self esteem. Adopted children are often unusually sensitive to having access to their own truth. This is a logical consequence of having had adults make decisions that changed their history without their permission. This makes the way adoptive parents talk with their children about their history very important. Keeping secrets or changing the truth can lead to extreme distrust and anger later, when the adopted person finds out. It leads to a sense of false self, something adopted people are already struggling with. Despite your good intentions, it is important to be absolutely honest with your son. Tell him you do not know his racial heritage for sure. You and he can make guesses based on the way he looks, the history of the Brazilian people in general and, if you know his personal history, the characteristics of people specifically from his region of Brazil. Involving him will be critical, as the exploration of these questions will allow him the opportunity to bemoan his frustration at what is not known as well as come to his own positive conclusions about who he is. This process is the one piece of control left to him under his particular circumstances of birth and will be best served by his self-directed exploration in the supportive environment you provide. Keep in mind that acknowledging in a truthful and accurate way any negative aspects of his culture is also important. Just as we need to pay particular attention in the United States to our shared history regarding slavery and racism, so it will be appropriate when he is developmentally ready for it to acknowledge the bitter truth that privilege is associated with lighter/whiter skin in Brazil. This should be talked about from a historical perspective as well as addressing the emotional impact on real people.

Ambiguous Racial Identity
Racial identity in America is a critical part of self-esteem because of the social privileges associated with racial classifications. If you are brown skinned, have nappy hair or African features you are likely to be excluded from the privileged experience enjoyed by those whose appearance is closer to Northern European. This is extremely likely to be true for your son, who may be questioned regarding his exact racial makeup but will not likely be mistaken for "white". Encourage his identification with people of color because they are the people he is most likely to have shared experiences with. Build his expectation that he will find positive support from them. His mixed heritage may allow him to find support from more than one community who acknowledge him as one of their own. This would be a great outcome. While encouraging his self-determination regarding racial identity, it will be important for you to offer him opportunities for realistic feedback regarding his choices and how likely the world is to accept him as he sees himself. If he says, for instance, "I think I will tell people I am white now," although he has no shared look with people of this descent, he will need to hear that the world is highly likely to question him if he insists on this designation. It will also be helpful for him if you convey that he is not stuck in one "identity." His views of who he is will change - it is normal for children of mixed identity to explore their different identities as a part of their developmental process. He must be given the opportunity in the safe haven of your family, and with the help of trusted advisors and friends, to come up with cover stories or answers to outsiders questions about who or what he is. The fact that you help him anticipate these questions, rather than being surprised or appalled by people's inappropriate curiosity will help him see you as an understanding ally rather than an out-of-touch adult who doesn't understand. When planning responses be sure you entitle him to make his own choices about how he wants to respond which may be different each time. Neither he nor you owe the outside world responses to invasive or negative questions.

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