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African American Hair Care

We get many questions on this topic from white parents who are struggling to take care of their African American (and biracial) children's hair. We have included several correspondences and questions we have received from parents and members of the community, which offer insight into the issues. Following the list of comments is our "Answer".

From Sheila:
I got the book and video as well as some products from Pamela Ferrell's website, cornrowsandco.com. I love doing my daughter Angel's hair, but there's always more to learn! I wanted to share that we've worked out a good system so that Angel doesn't mind sitting still while I do her hair, even though she is a very active girl. While her dad is washing her hair in the tub, I set up her little table in the living room with some snacks, coloring books, dolls etc., lay out my combs, detangler, clips and towel, and put on some fairly mellow and long kid videos. She is happy to sit while I do her hair and we take breaks whenever she asks, but I make sure to turn off the video during breaks so she has to sit again if she wants to watch more. Sometimes she wants a turn doing my hair at the end... If I'm doing a style that takes longer like cornrows, little twists or microbraids, I'll do half in the morning (the front) and put the back in a pompom or single braid until the evening or the next day. It looks good that way and saves time. I can't comb her hair dry, so I use a spritzer bottle to re-wet the rest of her hair before I work on it again. Those styles last about two weeks, with a touch up on the weekend if necessary (for sand removal, for example). With braids, we can wash her hair with the braids in. I spray oil on it every few days while the braids are in. I have to trim her ends about every two months so it stays easy to comb out. Blowdrying it definitely made braiding much easier, but it made her particular hair type so dry that I was afraid it would damage her hair so we went back to wetstyling. Angel loves having new hairstyles and it really makes a difference to her to feel that her hair is pretty. So for folks who struggle with home hair care, I recommend finding a braider. Professional braiders are much faster than us amateurs and their braids last longer. If you feel overwhelmed and frustrated by their hair, your child is bound to sense that, no matter how well you try to conceal it. And braiders can do things like beads (which I still can't) and patterns that your kids will love! Word of mouth seems to be the best way to find good braiders. I often ask other mothers at the playground where they get their daughters' hair braided. That's all and good luck!

From Mary:
What has been most helpful to us is reading the hints, and step-by-step instructions in "Kids Talk Hair," and it has been very helpful to watch the video. As it turns out, though, practice has been the key.

From Esther:
I don't like to, but I wash and comb my daughter's hair once a week and re-braid it in the middle of the week. I say her hair is her crowning glory, that it is beautiful and I'm going to make sure that it stays nice. She complains the whole way through and grabs the nape of her neck when I get to that part (there is just no way to avoid pulling those little tiny hairs back there) but we get it done. What I want to know is when can she take over her own hair care? She is 10 years old. I keep reminding her that this is her hair and she is going to have to learn to deal with it because it's with her for life. I'm not that good at it anyway and I feel like it should be her job.

From an African American grandmother:
Oh no, we can't get together on Saturday, that's hair day for us. The girls wouldn't miss it because they want to look good for school next week.

From Margaret:
I always loved to let Justin's hair go. I love the wild look his hair gets when it is long and going every which way. I think it is so beautiful. One day I came to pick Justin up by the back stairs leading to his playground instead of my normal route through the front. I wanted to weep when I heard two other Mom's talking about him and how they hated having to leave him out of the activities but they didn't want their kids to be hanging out with a young thug. "He's adopted you know. Kids can't survive without love and no mama who loved her boy would let him look like that." Justin and I laugh about it now, but I can see that he is relieved that we go to the barber shop every other week - without fail.

From Becca:
I used to ask myself whether making a 3 year old sit still for hours just so her hair could look good was fair to her (or me). Maybe when she is older we will set our expectations higher. We had so many things to do with our weekend together besides spending half of it doing Shayna's hair. Now I am so grateful that I didn't give up. I have formed some instant bonds with older African American women when they learn that I braid my daughter's hair myself.

From Jane:
If I put my daughter's hair in cornrows, she would stick out like a sore thumb. There are no black families in our town. Next year we intend to send her to preschool in the next town. They had a black teacher last year and I hope they still do, but we don't live close by-fifteen minutes. I believe God gave our child to us, and I'm sure that He will guide us in raising her to be what He wants her to be.

Answer
For white parents of black children, doing your child's hair is totally different from doing your own. Most white people never had a chance to learn how to groom African American hair. Young children need to feel beautiful and handsome to take pride in themselves. If their hair is a source of frustration not just for them, but for you, they may begin to develop low self-esteem. There are no absolute rules, any more than with white hair-care. The following ideas are commonly, though not universally, accepted within the African American community.

Growth: My child's hair is not growing. What should I do? Each child's hair and texture is different. If your child's hair is not growing as fast or in the direction you'd like, have a professional decide if there is a problem. Likely you are not seeing length due to curl.

Combing: How often should I comb or brush my child's hair? What kind of comb should I use? Are there special techniques for combing? How do I comb out tangles? What styles minimize tangling? It depends on the hair type. With daily (or more frequent) brushing, the hair will have fewer mats and thus hurt less with time. A very fine-toothed comb removes scalp build-up. A wide-toothed comb or pick is best for combing through the hair to minimize breakage. Natural bristle brushes are often softer and easier to use than synthetic brushes. Always comb the ends first. Spray with detangler and then massage in moisturizer. The hair will be easier to comb. Don't try to comb through the roots until the ends are tangle-free. Braiding will minimize tangling.

Hair Products: Can my child and I use the same products? Probably not. Products designed for African American hair add moisture to the hair. It is also necessary to use some kind of hair moisturizer (creme or oil) at least once a day and after every washing. Make sure you use enough so the hair looks shiny but not greasy.

Shampooing: How often should hair be washed? Which shampoo should I use? Only wash once or twice a week. Water is a drying agent. Most African Americans have to be very careful about keeping enough moisture and oil in their hair. Frequent washing may dry out the hair, preventing the natural oils from moisturizing. There is no single shampoo that suits every hair type. Try several kinds that are made just for African Americans to find the one that works best for your child. Alternate shampoo brands during the year. Hair condition changes with the seasons and the environment, so what works well in the summer may not work as well in the winter. Scrub the scalp to remove build-up of dead skin cells. Use the pads of your fingers or a scalp brush. (You can find one in the baby department of stores.)

Dry Hair: What do I do about my child's dry hair? Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize! Dry hair feels hard, brittle and looks dull. It is caused by under-active oil glands. A dry scalp is often flaky or looks as if it is cracking. Find a moisturizing product or conditioner for extra-dry hair. Conditioners provide a protective coating to the hair, make the scalp and hair supple, and give luster to the hair shaft. The leave-in type is better. Leave-in conditioner usually has humectants, which help bring moisture to the hair. Avoid using too much leave-in conditioner because it will make the hair sticky, flat and difficult to style. Petroleum- or mineral oil- based hair grease, or using too much grease will attract dirt and dust. Deep conditioner is a heavier cosmetic such as cholesterol or mayonnaise that is enhanced by body heat or an electric heat cap. The heat dilates the cuticles. causing the conditioner to penetrate the cuticle layer of the hair shaft. Hair oil has been used in Africa for centuries to lubricate, stimulate and keep moisture in the scalp. Massage hair oils into a clean scalp once or twice weekly using circular motions to help stimulate the blood flow. A moisturizing treatment should be done once or twice a week; a leave-in conditioner can be used. Follow the instructions on the label about how much of the product to use. Check your intuitive assumption carefully, which is probably based on your own hair type, not your child's.

Tender-Headed: What if my child hates to have her hair combed and brushed? Your child may not like the comb, but if you don't do it consistently, her hair will begin to mat and can reach a point where it can't be untangled. In fact, this is how dreadlocks are formed. Very often, parents tell us they feel bad because their children cry, but many children cry, even when they have same-race parents. Don't use this as an excuse. Your child will get used to it and their scalp will become less sensitive over time. Grooming must be done daily. There is little tolerance in the African American community for an unkempt transracially-adopted black child.

Talking About Hair: How do I talk about my child's hair? Avoid negative terms such as good-hair, bad-hair, knotty head, even if you hear them from African American friends. As you are grooming, comment on specifics that he or she can see, smell, or touch such as "Your hair is so shiny today!" "Just smell your hair. I love that smell when it's first oiled, don't you?"

Techniques for braiding: How do I braid my child's hair? Use lotion or oil while braiding. If you don't like grease, use lanolin and lighter products. Some people prefer the smells of coconut, olive or jojoba oils. Braiding is done by sectioning the hair, paying care to make straight parts. Braid one section at a time. When you take the braids out, comb the hair out thoroughly before you wash it. It will be easy to handle because the braids will have kept it from getting tangled. Wash, condition and rebraid. Don't make really small children sit for long periods of time to have their hair elaborately braided. The younger the child, the simpler the braiding style should be. Work to avoid breakage. Don't pull the hair too tight with rubber bands, braids or barrettes. Use cloth bands, bobby pins or clips.

Frizzies: How do I control frizzy hair? Use a styling gel to help control the frizzles but be sure also to moisturize because the styling product can dry out the hair. Frizzies also means breakage. Sleeping care: How should my child be sent to bed? Have your child sleep in a satin scarf, sleep cap, or do-rag. Satin is soft and stops the ends from breaking. The "do" will last longer and hair won't break as much.

Cradle cap: How can we get rid of severe scalp build-up? Children of any race can have cradle cap, which is a thick, scaly build-up of dead skin cells on the scalp. Cradle cap is especially an issue for children who have full heads of hair when born and especially children whose hair is very tight and curly. Hair-care products are culprits when used incorrectly, but mostly it's just a function of how the scalp is taken care of. Treat by combing oil through the hair to soften the build-up. A really fine-toothed comb helps. Pure vitamin E can be used instead of oil. When the build-up has softened, wash it out.

Lint: What is that white stuff in my child's hair? The "stuff" in your child's hair is lint or dust. Too much grease or petroleum or mineral oil-based products will attract it. Some types of hair can be like Velcro and will pick up lint no matter what you do. There is no preventive technique. You simply must pick it out. Sometimes parents confuse cradle cap with lint.

Straightening: Should I straighten or relax my daughter's hair? Relaxers are chemicals that straighten hair. These should not be tried without professional consultation and are rarely suggested for children under nine years old. To press hair means to heat it, making it straight. Straightening is done with a hot comb and can make the hair easier to manage but should also be done only by an experienced professional. Again, very young children do not usually have the patience for this kind of procedure. The chemical used for straightening is sodium hydroxide which is lye. It changes the molecular structure of the hair by breaking down the bond which creates the "S-shaped" curl. Once this bond is broken, the hair loses much of its natural resiliency. Children's scalps are more sensitive and prone to irritation, burns, and hair loss. Avoid putting chemicals on a child's scalp before age nine and never do it at home. Let an experienced professional handle it. The percentage of chemical is adjusted for the texture of the hair. Assessment of how much is honed by experience. Should I give my child a curly perm? Kiddy perms chemically straighten the hair and then use other chemicals to produce a "loose" curl. They are no different from the chemical products for adults, even though they are marketed for kids. Some consider it advisable to hold off on perms until young adulthood. Unskilled parents have produced second-degree burns. Braids, twists and cornrows are far safer to manage.

Professional care: Where can I get help? It is a very good idea to go to a professional salon that specializes in serving African Americans to learn how and what to do with your child's hair. We recommend asking African American friends or others who would know to recommend salons open to helping white parents of black kids. A wonderful side benefit of this activity is the experience it gives you of being the only one of your race present in the salon or barber shop while your child is in the majority. Nothing is as nice as to see your children leaving the salon with an extra strut in their step because of the fuss and attention they have just received. It's easy to feel great about yourself when you look great! Find a black hair stylist who is good with kids!!! Drive as far as you need to. Get your child's hair professionally washed, conditioned and styled. You'll learn a lot, it will look great, and everyone will have time to relax about hair issues. Once you locate a stylist that you like, go regularly and stick with it. Help your child look great and feel part of the community of the barber shop or salon.

Boys: What about hair care for boys? Be careful about trying to have young boys look too hip. Boys need oils and conditioners too, even if their hair is kept short. The first time a barber cuts your son's hair with a razor may be scary. It may help to practice at home first, teaching your child how to sit still and not be afraid of the razor or the buzz. Brush hair forward, toward the face instead of back, going against the grain. Use a light pomade for daily use. Many African Americans do not cut their children's hair, even boys, until they are one year old. Braiding your son's hair along the back of his head can help manage it at night (or even during the day) if it is long.

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