"You were born God's original. Try not to become someone's copy."

Once upon a time, when the White man and the White woman who wanted to be parents first started thinking about adoption, they asked to be considered for a biracial child. "Not a fully African American child," they clarified. "It wouldn't be fair."

"Fair? To whom?"

"The child. Of courseÉfair to the child. We're only thinking of what's fair for the child."

"Oh, that 'fair'É you're saying you'd like to adopt a fair-skinned child who will 'look' White?

"No, no; that doesn't matter to us. We just want to be parents; we can love any child. It's for the child. If our child is mixed, at least we'll have some common ground. We'll be more the same than different and it will be okay for our child to grow up with us. We won't be taking him or her away from the Black community ."

This idea, more common than not in people first considering transracial adoption, is one many adoption professionals have accepted. Prospective adoptive parents frequently call on us assuming that they can be considered for a biracial child but not for a single race child who is of a different background from their own, because that is what they have been told by their social worker. Very few of those same White parents apply the same biracial vs. same-race standards to Latino or Asian children. We think there's been a massive misunderstanding of what it feels like to be a biracial person in this society. Further, a biracial child who is adopted by White parents grows up having a totally different experience from that of the child who grows up within the birth family, who lives with flesh and blood role models of two different cultures present and contributing daily, one White parent and one Black. We ask all prospective transracial adoptive parents to consider the situation from the child's point of view.

The society we live in is lazy about subtle matters. We tend to oversimplify rather than appreciate complexities and confusing dualities. When we look at race-and all of us from every race and culture classify strangers by their outer package (skin color and other racial characteristics)-individuals are generally perceived to be part of the racial group they resemble the most, no matter what the truth of their origins.

Hold that thought. Name ten famous African Americans. Now back up. Are any of the people you named of mixed racial heritage? Are you sure? How do you know? How did you classify them at first? Remember, the instructions were to name ten famous African Americans. If you are like most people, you thought of people you presumed to be Black because they "look" Black and, for all you know, included some who had one Black parent and one White parent. We repeat: people are generally perceived to be part of the racial group they resemble the most. Individuals of mixed heritage are generally identified by society as full members of whatever race they look most like. Children who are partly African American are likely to be identified as African American. Do you agree? No? Then make a list of all the biracial people you can think of who have been in film, entertainment, sports, or the news. Your list is likely to be quite small, because as a society we do not classify people as mixed but rather by the race they most resemble.

Let's go on. Individuals who are half White but look to be of color never participate in the experience of being White, because society does not see them as truly White. One can not be White and have "Black blood," though paradoxically, one can be Black and have a White parent. One can never reap the benefits of White privilege. In a race-conscious society, much of an individual's identity has to do with appearance, with the particular combination of racial characteristics that makes one look Black or White and not anything deeper. People of mixed heritage do not have half the experience of being one race and half the experience of the other, any more than children of a mother and a father have half the experience of being their mother's child and half the experience of being their father's. They are the product of both, always, whether both are present or not.

What makes a family belong together? If the bonds depend on racial matching and White parents are appropriate for a biracial child because there will be some racial matching, what does that say to the child about the part of him- or herself that does not match? We belong together because you are part White; the Black heritage you bring divides you from this family, therefore it works against our family unity. The child in this context must put priority on developing the characteristics (being or trying to be White) that help him or her belong in the family. Therefore, being part Black feels bad, so the child feels bad about being Black.

The lessons parents teach a child about race come in part from their own experience of race. People in the African American community who oppose transracial adoption make no distinction between children of mixed racial or single-race heritage, because they know from experience that all children of color need racial-coping skills to survive in a racist society. White parents are unable to have any direct experience of being of color. As sensitive as they may become, they will always experience the world first through their own perceptions (as White people) and second, as parents of a child of color. White adoptive parents cannot be role models for having a positive African American identity. Some that by reading all the books they can about Black history, learning to cook soul food, and filling their home with African artifacts, they will have created the path for their child to build a strong racial identity have a limited view. We cannot give what we do not have. White parents cannot give Black identity. White adoptive parents of either a mixed-race or single-race child of color have exactly the same responsibility: to help their child define him- or herself as a member of the racial community of the child's genetic heritage. The community the parents must access is exactly the same, whether the child is fully of another race or partially so. Feelings of belonging do not come in halves: one either feels part of or separate from. The steps of connecting to others are the same no matter what one's racial make up, so adoptive parents who hold out a distinction are not preparing their child for the real world the child will face.

Some parents have read or encountered the current movement among multiracial individuals to identify themselves as multiracial rather than one race or another. They may think that this kind of thinking validates their assumption that it will be easier for them to parent a multiracial or biracial child than one of a single race. It must be understood that this movement grows out of the context of multiracial families, in which same-race role models are parenting children. Members of this community are not suggesting that they are not of color. In fact, they too are fighting society's unwillingness to acknowledge difference and to allow anything but rigid categorization. Caucasian parents who are tempted to think that their child will share with them (at least half way) in the experience of being White are not listening to the vast majority of multiracial and biracial people who clearly identify as people of color.

Since society at large will not distinguish a person who looks African American, Latino or Asian whether they are partly or fully African American, Latino, or Asian, why would a family make this distinction in adopting a child?

Pact requires prospective adoptive parents who are striving to adopt a biracial child but not a single-race child of color to examine carefully their motivations and expectations. Tasks to assist in this process are available through Pact for anyone who has interest in this area.

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