My husband and I became foster parents several years ago. Although we enthusiastically attended every meeting, class and seminar required for foster patenting, we were never warned of the dreadful situations that may occur while caring for these troubled but precious children.

Our first foster children were two beautiful brothers, ages two and four. The adorable little ones had gone through an unbelievable amount of abuse and neglect, including starvation and torture. Their mother couldn't remember if she had sexually abused them or not. She said she was always high. They were very affected by the cruelty of their parents but like most children had an unstoppable desire to love and be loved. They bonded to us immediately. My stepdaughter and our son considered them brothers. Even though we didn't encourage it, they insisted on calling us mommy and daddy, even in the presence of their mother.

The boys' parents were very young and had never married. Both were methamphetamine (crystal) addicts. The boys were taken from this couple because the father insisted on starving them, tying the older one to his bed for days at a time, and beating them. The mother insisted that she still loved this man and kept in close contact with him despite the urging of her mother, sister and the Department of Social Services.

The entire time the boys lived with us, we maintained contact with their mother. Their father was eventually sent to jail for the child abuse he inflicted on his sons. The situation with their mother never really improved and she constantly wavered in her desire to see the boys' father. There were many times she told us that she wanted to reconcile with him even though he was in jail for injuring their children. He even suggested that the two of them run away together and leave the boys behind. "**** the boys, we can always have more kids. We could even have a girl," she quoted him as saying. She told us she was considering his proposition!

Much of the damage done to the boys started coming out in their behavior. Our family rallied behind them. We loved and supported them. We had so many wonderful times together. We took family vacations to places like Yellowstone, Arizona, Montana, Idaho and Oregon. We had great times at theme parks, zoos -- you name it. But the best times were at home together, everyone happy and secure. There was peace. The kids began to thrive.

Unfortunately, this was not to last. We were told that their mother had accused my husband and me of taking pornographic pictures of the boys. The alleged pornography was a picture of three dirty little boys in the bathtub (the water was dark brown) after a wonderful and incredibly filthy day of play. We couldn't believe anyone could see this as pornographic. We later learned that the boys' birth mother had been confronting school teachers, therapists, everyone associated with the boys with similar accusations. She and their grandmother were demanding the AAP money we were given for the boys care. When this was refused, the accusations began.

DSS eventually removed the boys from our home and placed them with their aunt. It was a devastating parting. The boys wanted to stay with us. We had to hope and pray this would be the best home for them. DSS assured us that the relationship with them and their mother and father was over. They told us to put the experience behind us.

Six months later, a detective and social worker arrived at our home unannounced. I welcomed them in. Over the course of the next two hours, they told us that we had been accused of sexually molesting the boys. I handled it like any normal adult and burst into tears. My husband was furious. They questioned our children and told us that they would take our son away if they found any evidence of abuse. They asked my stepdaughter, "If one of your parents was to touch you in your privates, which one would it be?" My stepdaughter, who has two families, responded by saying that none of her parents would do that. "But if one of them did, which one would it be?" It was as if they were trying to trap our children into an admission.

The investigation went on for months. We were all disgusted and depressed. At no time did DSS offer us any help or support. Our children were afraid to sleep in their own rooms, for fear of someone taking them away. I will never forget the cries of our son, "Mommy, are you going to jail?"

We were never charged with anything. DSS asked us to continue as foster parents. We declined. We could never go through anything like that again.

Now, several years later while trying to adopt, we found out that we have a child abuse index number in the State of California. We spoke to the Sheriff's department in our city and they have no file regarding our situation because no formal charges were ever made. We were told "off the record" by someone at DSS that the child abuse index number could be the result of DSS not closing the file properly. After much upset and many calls, we obtained an attorney. After a letter to the director of DSS demanding that he correct the situation, we received a reply apologizing and essentially acknowledging that they had neglected to close our file properly. We have now received a formal statement that we are cleared. This error and false accusation could easily have stopped us from ever adopting.

Sadly, we tell our friends and acquaintances and even a few perfect strangers never to become foster parents in California. DSS is incapable of protecting you from the insanity of these troubled families. Things may go well for a while, but could always escalate to destruction.

We also know that the mother of the boys has her sons back with her. She married their father while he was in jail. Living with their father was the boys' biggest fear in life and now they are experiencing it. All the love and devotion we gave them couldn't protect them from this monster, and the state refuses to do so. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think about and pray for those two. Talking about them still brings on the tears. Our hearts will always ache for our little foster sons.

Copyright ©1998-2008 by Pact, An Adoption Alliance
http://www.pactadopt.org
info@pactadopt.org