Never, before the birth of my son, had I experienced such a gamut of emotions. Emotions ranging from the fear of giving birth, to the joy and elation of seeing my first-born, to the grief of relinquishing my child to adoption.

Adoption is a scary road to travel. But at the same time, it is an unforgettable experience filled with challenges and wonderful people to share it with. These are people who will remain in my life for years to come. Aside from the facilitators, therapists and lawyers, the adoptive family/birth family relationship is the most challenging.

The development of a relationship between the adoptive family and the birth family is an important part of the adoption process: what an understatement! Although developing this relationship can be painful at times, I think it is important to have a strong bond with a lot of understanding. Getting to this point might be difficult, but I have found that once you are past the initial "getting to know you" stage, it becomes easier to be yourself and to express feelings more openly.

After relinquishing a child, a birth mother may have feelings of anger and resentment toward the adoptive parents. This is a natural reaction, but overcoming these feelings takes the effort of all involved: the birth parents, adoptive parents, and therapists.

My son's adoptive family and I have developed our relationship to a point where we can be open with each other and feel comfortable doing so. In the earlier stages of the adoption, I never thought I would have such a close relationship with my son's adoptive parents. But now I realize that it is important so that my son will have a healthy understanding of adoption and how he came to be.

The one question I continue to ask myself is, "What do I want out of this relationship with the adoptive parents?" I ponder this question often. Each time, I think of something new that I would like to achieve out of this bond.

The first and foremost thing I want to accomplish is a feeling of togetherness. I like to think of my son's adoptive family as my extended family. It is very important that we can all understand each other and work together as friends and allies. As an adopted child, my son will have many questions regarding his biological roots. But when he needs to know these things, I will be just a phone call away. And when the time comes for me to start a family of my own, I hope that he and his family can be included as part of my family.

Another thing we'll be working on is trust - a difficult task that I am sure will take much time and come much later in our relationship. The trust that I am speaking of is necessary so that my son and I can spend time together alone. I am positive that this will be very difficult for his adoptive parents, and I understand.

That's what developing a relationship is all about. Understanding.

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