Grief and Loss in Adoption

Please find some of our best articles, essays and reviews on this topic.

For more topics and articles, check out our full listing on our Resource Library.

Grief is a normal reaction to a loss. Sometimes it is tempting to focus only on the gains of adoption – and there are many, as children gain new families and people in their lives who love them – but there are also significant losses that include loss of family members, familiar surrounding, control, and sometimes connection to heritage, culture, or race. When losses are addressed and acknowledged, healing is possible. Articles offer advice and insight into the journey of dealing with the grief and loss of adoption.

If you prefer, you can use our Library Search Tool to search by title or author. All the material in this section is copyrighted by Pact; for permission to reproduce or re-post it, please contact us at education@pactadopt.org.

• "Don’t You Dare Repeat Any of This" Thoughts of Adoption By An Adoptee-By-The-Sea
  by Joyce Maguire Pavao (1997 | 328 KB | )
  
• A Birth Grandparents Perspective Gone Too Soon
  by Mary Stephenson (1993 | 338 KB | )
  
• A Day In My Life
  by Amanda Kirby (1997 | 66 KB | )
  
• A Long Journey Home
  by Molly McCullough (2008 | 351 KB | )
  
• About Concerned United Birthparents
  by Bonnie Bis (1998 | 116 KB | )
  
• Adoptees Experience
  by JoAnne Whittington (1998 | 85 KB | )
  
• Adoption and the Stages of Development - What Parents Can Expect at Different Ages
  by Beth Hall (1992 | 114 KB | )
  
• Adoption Candle Ceremony
  adapted from FAIR (2009 | 70 KB | )
  
• Adoption Loss: A Birth Mother Remembers
  by Debra Baker (2011 | 112 KB | )
  
• Adoption Reversals
  by Michael Trout (1998 | 98 KB | )
  
• Adoptive Parents and Expectant Parents Alike: Preparing for a Healthy, Lifelong Relationship
  by Leslie Foge, MA, MFT (2012 | 128 KB | )
  
• All This Time
  by Paul Kamm & Eleanor MacDonald (2009 | 319 KB | )
  
• Alternative Altars: Honoring the Loss in Adoption
  by Martha Rynberg (2012 | 100 KB | )
  
• Ambiguous Loss
  by Jae Ran Kim (2008 | 111 KB | )
  
• and Many a Tear Will Fall
  by Sharon Kelly (1998 | 101 KB | )
  
• Arrival Adjustment: The Post-Adoption Blues
  by Patricia Irwin Johnston (2008 | 326 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact Is There Something Wrong With Me?
  by Pact (2010 | 327 KB | )
  
• Attachment in Early Childhood
  by Marjorie Grace (1998 | 333 KB | )
  
• Baby, We Were Meant for Each Other: In Praise of Adoption
  by Scott Simon, Reviewed by Aaryn Belfer (2012 | 113 KB | )
  
• Being A Mommy - A Birth Parent Story
  by Marta Barton (2005 | 99 KB | )
  
• Being An Immigrant to the United States
  by Ana Bagtas (1996 | 119 KB | )
  
• Birth Father Story
  by Paul Weber (2919 | 139 KB | )
  
• Birth Parent Loss and Grief
  by Patricia E. Roles (1997 | 115 KB | )
  
• Birth Parent Profile - My Secret Life
  Michelle Cabrerra (1997 | 124 KB | )
  
• Birth Parents - Victims of Adoption?
  by Candace Kunz (1997 | 110 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Brothers and Sisters in Adoption
  by Arleta James (2009 | 473 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Post Adoption Blues
  by Karen Foli & John Thompson (2007 | 95 KB | )
  
• Book Review: The Colours in Me: Writing & Poetry by Adopted Children & Youth
  Edited by Perlita Harris (2009 | 412 KB | )
  
• Book Review: The English American
  by Alison Larkin (2008 | 304 KB | )
  
• Book Review: The Third Choice
  by Leslie Foge and Gail Mosconi (2004 | 933 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
  by Sherri Eldridge (2005 | 104 KB | )
  
• Borders of Belonging
  by Sofia Arroyo (2008 | 309 KB | )
  
• Building Racial Identity - When Family Members Do Not Support A Child’s Racial Identity
  by Gail Steinberg (1996 | 125 KB | )
  
• Children In Transition
  by Devon Rubin (2009 | 308 KB | )
  
• Choosing Adoption for One Child and Not Another
  by Brenda Romanchik (1995 | 334 KB | )
  
• Choosing Adoption-Understanding Terms
  by Pact (2010 | 89 KB | )
  
• Coming Full Circle, Becoming a Parent
  by Hollee McGinnis (aka Lee Hwa Yeong) (2009 | 114 KB | )
  
• Considering Placing a Child for Adoption: Thank You for Listening & Thoughts on Birth Motherhood
  by Susan Ledesma & Joy Retzlaff (2010 | 310 KB | )
  
• Deafness and Difference
  by Marilyn May (1996 | 110 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Aftershocks of the Hatian Earthquake
  by Beth Hall (2010 | 306 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Anger & Mood Swings in Tweens & Teens
  by Beth Hall (2008 | 114 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Did I Cry Too Much?
  by Beth Hall (2009 | 384 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Facing Our Worst Fears Telling the Truth to Adopted Children
  by Beth Hall (2010 | 144 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Respecting Children’s Pain
  by Beth Hall (2011 | 123 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Why Did This Happen To Us?
  by Beth Hall (2012 | 123 KB | )
  
• Does Fost-Adoption Encourage Healthy Growth?
  By Jodee Kulp (1995 | 333 KB | )
  
• Exploring Openness - Inter Country Style
  by Sue Douglas (1992 | 118 KB | )
  
• Family Resemblance in Transracial Adoption
  by Jana Wolff (1998 | 329 KB | )
  
• Family Stories: Surviving Foster Care - A Day with Shane Salter
  Interviewed by Roxanne Agur (1997 | 373 KB | )
  
• Feelings of Differentness
  by Jean Benward (1994 | 106 KB | )
  
• Feelings of Love, Feelings of Pain
  by Kim Malcolm (1992 | 94 KB | )
  
• Film Reviews: Adopted & We Can Do Better
  by Pact (2009 | 253 KB | )
  
• Film Review: Foster Parents Speak: Crossing Bridges and Fostering Change
  by Photosythesis Productions (2009 | 469 KB | )
  
• Film Review: Wo Ai Ni Mommy
  by Michele Rabkin (2010 | 115 KB | )
  
• Four Lifelong Issues in Adoption
  by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg (2007 | 116 KB | )
  
• From A Birth Mother
  by Victoria Tittle (1995 | 95 KB | )
  
• Gentle Transitions: A Newborn Baby’s Point of View about Adoption
  by Michael Trout (1997 | 101 KB | )
  
• Grief
  by Beth Hall (1997 | 108 KB | )
  
• Grief and Open Adoption
  by Candace Kunz (1992 | 94 KB | )
  
• Hambun-Hambun
  by Susan Ito (1995 | 339 KB | )
  
• Healing the Primal Wound
  by Nancy Verrier (1994 | 337 KB | )
  
• How Adoption Has Shaped My Life
  by Joyce Maguire Pavao (1994 | 335 KB | )
  
• Infertility and Aftershocks
  by Patricia Irwin Johnston (1998 | 336 KB | )
  
• Interpreting Regression in Children
  Adapted from Holly van Gulden (2009 | 329 KB | )
  
• Is it Private or Is it Secret? Sorting Out What to Tell Whom
  by Pat Irwin Johnston, MS (2011 | 125 KB | )
  
• Jigsaw Puzzle: Adopted Children of Color
  by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg (1992 | 118 KB | )
  
• Kinship Style - Open, Closed, or Shifting
  by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall (1994 | 104 KB | )
  
• Latino and Asian Children in White Homes
  by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg (1995 | 116 KB | )
  
• Lessons
  by Sharon Kaplan Roszia (1994 | 311 KB | )
  
• Letter From a Birth Father
  by David Jones (1997 | 107 KB | )
  
• Letting Go - Launching Adolescents
  by Beth Hall (2007 | 49 KB | )
  
• Living An Open Adoption
  by Jennifer Ferrara (1997 | 120 KB | )
  
• Looking At Kinship Adoption - Hammering Out Bits And Pieces Of The Elephant: An Interview with Sharon Kaplan Roszia
  Interviewed by Gail Steinberg (1993 | 340 KB | )
  
• Losing Lauren
  by Rachel Angeline (1994 | 324 KB | )
  
• My Crooked Family Tree
  by Lynn Calza (2007 | 105 KB | )
  
• My Name Is Roxanne
  by Roxanne Agur (1995 | 110 KB | )
  
• Narrative Burden: Adoptees Responses to Outsiders Questions
  by Robert Ballard (2010 | 60 KB | )
  
• Never
  by Ellwyn Kauffman (2010 | 304 KB | )
  
• Nine and A Half Months
  by Allison Towle (1995 | 109 KB | )
  
• Non-Adoptee Privilege
  by Kelly Reineke (2009 | 67 KB | )
  
• On Being Adopted Older with "Special Needs"
  by Carol DeMuth (1997 | 349 KB | )
  
• On Feeling Insignificant
  by Jane Calbreath (1997 | 103 KB | )
  
• Open Adoptions Navigating Our Differences
  by Jim Gritter (2004 | 95 KB | )
  
• Openness In Adoption
  by Pact (2010 | 52 KB | )
  
• Pact Family Stories: Up Close and Personal with Jamie Lee Curtis - an Interview with an Adoptive Mom
  Interviewed by Gail Steinberg (1997 | 413 KB | )
  
• Pact’s Perspective on Therapy and Adoption
  by Jeannie Lin in collaboration with Pact staff (2004 | 340 KB | )
  
• Perspective From a Young Korean American
  by David Kim (1998 | 114 KB | )
  
• Please Tell Me What I Should Do?
  by Lynn Lape (1996 | 111 KB | )
  
• Prenatal Trauma and the Adoptee Experience
  by Sally Clark (1996 | 112 KB | )
  
• Prepare In Order To Protect
  by Beth Hall (2009 | 56 KB | )
  
• Proactive Parenting: How to Recognize Issues and When to Seek Help
  by Dee A. Paddock (1998 | 327 KB | )
  
• Promoting Understanding of Adoption Issues
  by Patricia Irwin Johnston (1993 | 337 KB | )
  
• Raising Kids Multiculturally
  by Ann Freeman (1994 | 107 KB | )
  
• Recognizing Loss
  Becca Martinson (1994 | 106 KB | )
  
• Regret
  by Gillian J. Freney (2011 | 121 KB | )
  
• Responding to the Coded Messages of Children’s Behavior
  by Kenneth W. Watson (1996 | 330 KB | )
  
• Rosa’s Story: Adoption Then and Now Doing the Right Thing for the Wrong Reasons
  Anonymous (1997 | 85 KB | )
  
• Self Esteem and Adoption
  by Kenneth Watson (1995 | 331 KB | )
  
• Shared Fate in Gay & Lesbian Families
  by Julie Randolph (2004 | 94 KB | )
  
• So You Want To Open Your Child’s Adoption
  by Leslie Foge (2004 | 332 KB | )
  
• Speaking of Birth Parents
  by Marta Barton and Beth Hall (2000 | 125 KB | )
  
• Stepping Out of the Shadows: Birth Fathers Speak Out
  by Mary Martin Mason (1995 | 330 KB | )
  
• Still Parenting After All These Years
  by Gail Steinberg (1992 | 96 KB | )
  
• Still Parenting After All These Years
  by Gail Steinberg (1992 | 96 KB | )
  
• Straight Talk
  by Liza Steinberg (1996 | 95 KB | )
  
• Strategies for Helping Children Respond to Outsider Questions
  by Pact (2010 | 60 KB | )
  
• Synchronicity: The Sparks of Reunion
  by LaVonne Stiffler (1997 | 336 KB | )
  
• Taking Somebody’s Baby
  by Becca Martinson (1996 | 124 KB | )
  
• Talking to Your Adopted Adolescent about Adoption
  by Randolph W. Severson (1995 | 334 KB | )
  
• Talking with Children about Difficult History
  by Holly van Gulden (1995 | 339 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: A Letter From My Heart
  by Melissa Cunningham (2010 | 327 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Dominique’s Journey
  by Dominique Parker (2005 | 94 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Making Sense of Living Transracially
  by Ryo and Jake (2010 | 53 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Picture Me
  by Sofia Arroyo (2005 | 72 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Psychological Heavy Lifting
  by Lilah Goldthwaite (2008 | 350 KB | )
  
• That Time of Year
  by Penny Callan Partride (1998 | 306 KB | )
  
• The Best Support
  by Carol Schaefer (1992 | 313 KB | )
  
• The Body’s Wisdom
  by Carol Schaefer (1995 | 324 KB | )
  
• The Life Story Book
  by Vera Fahlberg (1993 | 337 KB | )
  
• The Lifelong Impact of Adoption
  by Marlou Russell (1995 | 309 KB | )
  
• The Missing Voice in the Professional Community
  by Candace Kunz (1996 | 115 KB | )
  
• The Name Game
  by Jae Ran Kim (2007 | 327 KB | )
  
• The Optimal Adoptive Launch
  by Michael D. Trout (1994 | 346 KB | )
  
• The Primal Wound?
  by Randolph W. Severson (1994 | 336 KB | )
  
• The Rights of Fathers in Prospective Infant Adoptions
  by Jon Ryan (1998 | 117 KB | )
  
• The Spirituality of Adoption
  by Father Thomas Brosnan (1996 | 113 KB | )
  
• Transracial Adoption of Mixed-Race Youth: A Diary of a Child’s Journey
  by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall (2002 | 121 KB | )
  
• Twice a Mother - Unexpected Paths
  by Rachel Angeline (1997 | 109 KB | )
  
• Union and Transitions: A Ceremony of Entrustment
  by Rebecca Weller (1997 | 346 KB | )
  
• When Racism is Part of the Story
  by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg (1998 | 128 KB | )
  
• Which Comes First?
  by Lynn Lape (1994 | 108 KB | )
  
• Whoness - A Question of Identity
  by Nasoan Sheftel-Gomes (1995 | 104 KB | )
  
• Why Children Don’t Talk (Much) Adoption Adoption
  by Virginia Keeler-Wolf (1996 | 336 KB | )
  

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