Talking about Adoption – Language and Strategies

Please find some of our best articles, essays and reviews on this topic.

For more topics and articles, check out our full listing on our Resource Library.

Talking about adoption can feel complicated and scary for both adoptive parents and birth parents and especially for children, who have questions about their identity and ever-evolving understanding of both the joys and losses that are part of the experience. But what matters most is that we are talking about it, because that is how we help children know that it is truly “okay" to be adopted. Topics include talking to children about adoption and foster care at various ages and stages, handling questions from outsiders (including teachers), and helping children create their own adoption narrative, including the use of life books.

If you prefer, you can use our Library Search Tool to search by title or author. All the material in this section is copyrighted by Pact; for permission to reproduce or re-post it, please contact us at education@pactadopt.org.

• "Don’t You Dare Repeat Any of This" Thoughts of Adoption By An Adoptee-By-The-Sea
  by Joyce Maguire Pavao (1997 | 328 KB | )
  
• 8 Ways to Handle Adoption Questions
  by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg (2011 | 65 KB | )
  
• A Biblical View of Adoption
  by Chené Tucker, MSW, LCSW (1994 | 107 KB | )
  
• A Birth Grandparents Perspective Gone Too Soon
  by Mary Stephenson (1993 | 338 KB | )
  
• About Concerned United Birthparents
  by Bonnie Bis (1998 | 116 KB | )
  
• Adopting Again: Talking to the Other children in the Home
  an interview with Sharon Kaplan Roszia (2001 | 89 KB | )
  
• Adoption and Genetics: Why We Need To Pay Attention
  by E. Kay Trimberger (2011 | 125 KB | )
  
• Adoption and the Stages of Development - What Parents Can Expect at Different Ages
  by Beth Hall (1992 | 114 KB | )
  
• Adoption, Racism and "The Prophet"
  by Eloise Rivera (1997 | 92 KB | )
  
• Adoptive Parents and Expectant Parents Alike: Preparing for a Healthy, Lifelong Relationship
  by Leslie Foge, MA, MFT (2012 | 128 KB | )
  
• Alternative Altars: Honoring the Loss in Adoption
  by Martha Rynberg (2012 | 100 KB | )
  
• Ambiguous Loss
  by Jae Ran Kim (2008 | 111 KB | )
  
• An Entrustment Journey
  by Fran Cooper Materra (1995 | 312 KB | )
  
• Ask a First Mother: Who are Adoptive Childrens’ Forever Parents?
  by Susan Dusza Guerra Leksander (2012 | 456 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact Is There Something Wrong With Me?
  by Pact (2010 | 327 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: How to Deal with Teasing About Adoption
  by Susan Ito (2009 | 340 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: Keeping it "Real," How to Talk About All Your Child’s Parents
  (2011 | 119 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: My Child Wants To Be White
  by Pact (2007 | 101 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: Talking About Birth Parents
  by Martha Rynberg (2008 | 156 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: Talking with a Preschooler about Birth Parents
  (2011 | 119 KB | )
  
• Attachment and the School Age Child
  by David Brodzinsky (2010 | 89 KB | )
  
• Bastard Nation - What’s In a Name
  by Damsel Plum (1998 | 121 KB | )
  
• Birth Mother Survey
  (1997 | 96 KB | )
  
• Birth Parent Loss and Grief
  by Patricia E. Roles (1997 | 115 KB | )
  
• Birth Parent Profile - My Secret Life
  Michelle Cabrerra (1997 | 124 KB | )
  
• Birth Parents - Victims of Adoption?
  by Candace Kunz (1997 | 110 KB | )
  
• Blended Families
  by Beth Hall (2000 | 54 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Adoption and the Schools
  by FAIR (2004 | 89 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Beneath the Mask Understanding Adopted Teens
  by Debbie Riley (2007 | 84 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Brothers and Sisters in Adoption
  by Arleta James (2009 | 473 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Forever Fingerprints
  by Sherrie Eldridge (2007 | 86 KB | )
  
• Book Review: I Bet She Called Me Sugar Plum
  by Joanne Gabbin (2004 | 73 KB | )
  
• Book Review: In Their Parents’ Voices
  by Rita Simon and Rhonda Roorda  (2006 | 104 KB | )
  
• Book Review: In Their Siblings’ Voices
  by Rita Simon and Rhonda Roorda (2009 | 89 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Parenting Adopted Adolescents: Understanding and Appreciating Their Journeys
  by Gregory Keck (2009 | 408 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Sam’s Sister
  by Juliet Bond (2003 | 75 KB | )
  
• Book Review: The Colours in Me: Writing & Poetry by Adopted Children & Youth
  Edited by Perlita Harris (2009 | 412 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
  by Sherri Eldridge (2005 | 104 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Why Can’t You Look Like Me?
  by Ola Zuri (2010 | 525 KB | )
  
• Book Review: You’re Not My REAL Mother!
  by Molly Friedrich (2005 | 83 KB | )
  
• Brown Babies, Pink Parents: A Practical Guide to Transracial Parenting
  by Amy Ford, Reviewed by Shannon Riehle (2011 | 101 KB | )
  
• Building An Adoptive Identity
  by Harold Grotevant (2009 | 129 KB | )
  
• Can White People Nurture Black Kids Effectively?
  by RoAnne Elliot (1998 | 111 KB | )
  
• Changes in the Open Relationship
  by Candace Kunz (1992 | 95 KB | )
  
• Choosing Adoption for One Child and Not Another
  by Brenda Romanchik (1995 | 334 KB | )
  
• Deciding About Decisions
  by Becca Martinson  (1994 | 96 KB | )
  
• Developing Cultural Competence
  by Linda Whitfield (1995 | 105 KB | )
  
• Different Birth Families of Adopted Siblings
  by Pam Hutsell (1994 | 110 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Adolescence Who Am I? Where Am I Going?
  by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg (2003 | 98 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Anger & Mood Swings in Tweens & Teens
  by Beth Hall (2008 | 114 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Did I Cry Too Much?
  by Beth Hall (2009 | 384 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Evolving Conversations Should Parents Initiate Talk about Adoption or Wait for their Child’s Questions?
  by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg (2010 | 104 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Facing Our Worst Fears Telling the Truth to Adopted Children
  by Beth Hall (2010 | 144 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Getting Over It and Stepping It Up
  by Beth Hall (2011 | 130 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Naming NATE
  by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg (2009 | 572 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Remember When I Came Out of Daddy’s Tummy?
  by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg (2009 | 616 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Respecting Children’s Pain
  by Beth Hall (2011 | 123 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: The Balancing Act Talking with Extended Family and Friends
  by Beth Hall (2007 | 150 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Why Did This Happen To Us?
  by Beth Hall (2012 | 123 KB | )
  
• Encouraging Reluctant Teens & Tweens to Attend Teen Club
  by Pact (2011 | 342 KB | )
  
• Executive Parenting Strategies that Work
  by Jim Manhoney (1995 | 341 KB | )
  
• Family Resemblance in Transracial Adoption
  by Jana Wolff (1998 | 329 KB | )
  
• Family Stories: Surprise Adoption
  by Jill Rege (2008 | 956 KB | )
  
• Family Story: Dan O’Brien - The World’s Greatest Athlete - A Transracially Adopted Hero
  Interviewed by Gail Steinberg (1997 | 390 KB | )
  
• Far Away From the Tigers: A Year in the Classroom with Internationally Adopted Children
  by Jane Katch, Reviewed by Alison Seevak (2011 | 113 KB | )
  
• Fine Tuning Openness: Tools for Managing Relationships Between Birth and Adoptive Families
  by Adele Jones (2004 | 108 KB | )
  
• Fostering the Autonomy of the Adopted Person
  by Susan Harris (1995 | 317 KB | )
  
• Four Lifelong Issues in Adoption
  by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg (2007 | 116 KB | )
  
• Grief
  by Beth Hall (1997 | 108 KB | )
  
• Hambun-Hambun
  by Susan Ito (1995 | 339 KB | )
  
• Healing the Primal Wound
  by Nancy Verrier (1994 | 337 KB | )
  
• Hispanic Attitudes Toward Adoption
  by Irma D. Herrera (1992 | 98 KB | )
  
• If The Shoe Doesn’t Fit
  by Gail Steinberg (1995 | 131 KB | )
  
• Infertility and Aftershocks
  by Patricia Irwin Johnston (1998 | 336 KB | )
  
• Interpreting Regression in Children
  Adapted from Holly van Gulden (2009 | 329 KB | )
  
• Keeping In Touch
  by Carmen Rodriguez (1995 | 103 KB | )
  
• Kinship Style - Open, Closed, or Shifting
  by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall (1994 | 104 KB | )
  
• Lessons
  by Sharon Kaplan Roszia (1994 | 311 KB | )
  
• Letter From a Birth Father
  by David Jones (1997 | 107 KB | )
  
• Letter to the Editor - Mother’s Day
  by Janet Herring-Sherman (1994 | 95 KB | )
  
• Living An Open Adoption
  by Jennifer Ferrara (1997 | 120 KB | )
  
• Looking At Kinship Adoption - Hammering Out Bits And Pieces Of The Elephant: An Interview with Sharon Kaplan Roszia
  Interviewed by Gail Steinberg (1993 | 340 KB | )
  
• Mia’s Art: What I Learned From My Daughter’s Self Portrait
  by Elise Crum (2010 | 101 KB | )
  
• My Name Is Roxanne
  by Roxanne Agur (1995 | 110 KB | )
  
• Narrative Burden: Adoptees Responses to Outsiders Questions
  by Robert Ballard (2010 | 60 KB | )
  
• Never
  by Ellwyn Kauffman (2010 | 304 KB | )
  
• Noble Choice - Or No Choice?
  by Paula O’Loughlin (2010 | 123 KB | )
  
• Non-Adopted Siblings of Adoptees
  by Beth Hall (2012 | 97 KB | )
  
• Non-Adoptee Privilege
  by Kelly Reineke (2009 | 67 KB | )
  
• Not Just "White Parents with Kids of Color" - The Importance of Racial Identity Work for Parents
  by Gina Miranda Samuels, Ph.D., MSSW (2012 | 129 KB | )
  
• On Being Adopted Older with "Special Needs"
  by Carol DeMuth (1997 | 349 KB | )
  
• Open Adoption Relationships
  by Becca Martinson (1992 | 111 KB | )
  
• Openness In Adoption
  by Pact (2010 | 52 KB | )
  
• Pact Camp Offers Parenting Insights FCC Northern California, Summer 2006
  by Annie Stuart (2006 | 66 KB | )
  
• Pact Family Stories: Up Close and Personal with Jamie Lee Curtis - an Interview with an Adoptive Mom
  Interviewed by Gail Steinberg (1997 | 413 KB | )
  
• Pact’s Perspective on Therapy and Adoption
  by Jeannie Lin in collaboration with Pact staff (2004 | 340 KB | )
  
• Perspectives on Transracial Adoption - Transracially Adopted Child’s Bill of Right
  by Liza Steinberg (2003 | 63 KB | )
  
• Please Tell Me What I Should Do?
  by Lynn Lape (1996 | 111 KB | )
  
• Prenatal Trauma and the Adoptee Experience
  by Sally Clark (1996 | 112 KB | )
  
• Prepare In Order To Protect
  by Beth Hall (2009 | 56 KB | )
  
• Promoting Understanding of Adoption Issues
  by Patricia Irwin Johnston (1993 | 337 KB | )
  
• Question and Answer with Adam Pertman
  (2011 | 127 KB | )
  
• Rejoice in What Unites Us - Creating Kinship Systems
  by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg (1994 | 110 KB | )
  
• Responding to the Coded Messages of Children’s Behavior
  by Kenneth W. Watson (1996 | 330 KB | )
  
• SEED Project on Inclusion Curriculum: Seeking Educational Equity & Diversity
  by Peggy McIntosh and Emily Style (1998 | 341 KB | )
  
• Self Esteem and Adoption
  by Kenneth Watson (1995 | 331 KB | )
  
• Shared Fate in Gay & Lesbian Families
  by Julie Randolph (2004 | 94 KB | )
  
• Sibling Attachment
  by Patricia Irwin Johnston (1996 | 336 KB | )
  
• Sibling Issues in Adoption
  by Mary Martin Mason (1993 | 328 KB | )
  
• Still Parenting After All These Years
  by Gail Steinberg (1992 | 96 KB | )
  
• Straight Talk
  by Liza Steinberg (1996 | 95 KB | )
  
• Strategies for Helping Children Respond to Outsider Questions
  by Pact (2010 | 60 KB | )
  
• Talking to Children about Sex and Adoption: An Interview with Anne Bernstein
  Interviewed by Beth Hall (1995 | 337 KB | )
  
• Talking to Young Children about Race and Racism
  by Joemy Ito-Gates & Wei Ming Dariotis (2006 | 107 KB | )
  
• Talking to Your Adopted Adolescent about Adoption
  by Randolph W. Severson (1995 | 334 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Adopted Teens Speak Out
  by Pact Teen Club (2009 | 373 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Dominique’s Journey
  by Dominique Parker (2005 | 94 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Psychological Heavy Lifting
  by Lilah Goldthwaite (2008 | 350 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: TRA (Transracial Adoptee) Understanding and Love
  by Sara Blair (2007 | 83 KB | )
  
• The Art & Soul of Adoption & Foster Care: Expressive Means to Communication and Healing
  by Joyce Maguire Pavao (2010 | 330 KB | )
  
• The Benefits of Pact Camp
  by John Raible (2009 | 132 KB | )
  
• The Best Support
  by Carol Schaefer (1992 | 313 KB | )
  
• The Importance of Support
  by Becca Martinson (1992 | 94 KB | )
  
• The Life Story Book
  by Vera Fahlberg (1993 | 337 KB | )
  
• The Lifelong Impact of Adoption
  by Marlou Russell (1995 | 309 KB | )
  
• The Name Game
  by Jae Ran Kim (2007 | 327 KB | )
  
• The Real Daughter
  by Colleen Houlihan  (1994 | 106 KB | )
  
• The Rights of Fathers in Prospective Infant Adoptions
  by Jon Ryan (1998 | 117 KB | )
  
• The Spirituality of Adoption
  (1996 | 113 KB | )
  by Father Thomas Brosnan
  
• The Tapestry of My Life
  by Holly van Gulden (1994 | 323 KB | )
  
• Unconditional Love
  Maria Felipa (1998 | 94 KB | )
  
• Union and Transitions: A Ceremony of Entrustment
  by Rebecca Weller (1997 | 346 KB | )
  
• When Do You Follow When Do You Lead - Talking to Children About Adoption
  by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall (2002 | 127 KB | )
  
• When I First Started Thinking About It
  by Liza Steinberg Triggs (1995 | 101 KB | )
  
• Which Comes First?
  by Lynn Lape (1994 | 108 KB | )
  
• Who Are The Real Parents - Revisiting Extended Family as a Support System for Children in Need of Adoption or Foster Care
  by O. Virginia Phillips (1995 | 111 KB | )
  

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