Please find some of our best articles, essays and reviews on this topic.

Birth mothers, fathers, sisters and families (sometimes called first mothers and families) are perhaps the most underrepresented voice in adoption. Topics include managing contact between birth and adoptive parents, navigating relationships with adopted children, and deciding whether open adoption or closed adoption serves children and parents best. Feelings inherent to the experience of placing a child for adoption or losing a child to adoption are explored, including grief, anger, loss, and guilt, along with stories that include search and reunion.

Pact offers an array of support services for expectant and birth parents, available free of charge. If you are in the process of deciding whether adoption is right for you and your baby, Pact can help you understand all of your options, whether or not you finally choose adoption. If adoption is the best choice for you and your baby, we can help you find an adoptive family for your child of color, and we’ll talk with you about the benefits of an open adoption so you can stay in touch with your child. Continuing support and education about the lifelong issues of adoption is available to birth parents after placement. Become a member of Pact to receive our newsletter, Pact’s Point of View, which includes a regular column “Ask a First/Birth Parent” and other articles written by birth parents and adopted adults. Pact members receive a discount at our online bookstore, which features carefully selected books on the birth parent experience and other aspect of adoption. While many of Pact's services and programs for birth parents are focused on the placement process, we do strive to connect birth parents with blogs and other online resources that will be useful post-placement, in addition to our ongoing support services.

Click to view videos related to Birth Parents, Birth Families in Adoption.

For more topics and articles, check out our full listing on our Resource Library. If you prefer, you can use our Library Search Tool to search by title or author. All the material in this section is copyrighted by Pact; for permission to reproduce or re-post it, please contact us at education@pactadopt.org.

• "Don’t You Dare Repeat Any of This" Thoughts of Adoption By An Adoptee-By-The-Sea
  by Joyce Maguire Pavao (1997 | 328 KB | )
  
• 5 Stages of the Adoption Process
  by Pact (2011 | 536 KB | )
  
• A Biblical View of Adoption
  by Chené Tucker, MSW, LCSW (1994 | 107 KB | )
  
• A Birth Grandparents Perspective Gone Too Soon
  by Mary Stephenson (1993 | 338 KB | )
  
• A Day In My Life
  by Amanda Kirby (1997 | 66 KB | )
  
• A Long Journey Home
  by Molly McCullough (2008 | 351 KB | )
  
• About Concerned United Birthparents
  by Bonnie Bis (1998 | 116 KB | )
  
• Adopting Again: Talking to the Other children in the Home
  an interview with Sharon Kaplan Roszia (2001 | 89 KB | )
  
• Adoption Means Having Two Family Legacies
  by Francie Portnoy (2004 | 99 KB | )
  
• Adoption and Genetics: Why We Need To Pay Attention
  by E. Kay Trimberger (2011 | 125 KB | )
  
• Adoption Candle Ceremony
  adapted from FAIR (2009 | 70 KB | )
  
• Adoption Loss: A Birth Mother Remembers
  by Debra Baker (2011 | 112 KB | )
  
• Adoption Milestones
  by Susan Soon-keum Cox (2000 | 69 KB | )
  
• Adoptive Parents and Expectant Parents Alike: Preparing for a Healthy, Lifelong Relationship
  by Leslie Foge, MA, MFT (2012 | 128 KB | )
  
• All of Nathan’s Family
  by Pamela, Barbara, Suzanne & John (1997 | 91 KB | )
  
• All This Time
  by Paul Kamm & Eleanor MacDonald (2009 | 319 KB | )
  
• Ambiguous Loss
  by Jae Ran Kim (2008 | 111 KB | )
  
• and Many a Tear Will Fall
  by Sharon Kelly (1998 | 101 KB | )
  
• Ask a First Mother: Who are Adoptive Childrens’ Forever Parents?
  by Susan Dusza Guerra Leksander (2012 | 456 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact Is There Something Wrong With Me?
  by Pact (2010 | 327 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: Is Our 12-Year-Old Too Young To Find Her Birth Mother?
  by Pact (2007 | 116 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: Keeping it "Real," How to Talk About All Your Child’s Parents
  (2011 | 119 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: Talking About Birth Parents
  by Martha Rynberg (2008 | 156 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: Talking with a Preschooler about Birth Parents
  (2011 | 119 KB | )
  
• Ask Pact: Unexpected Birth Parent Contact
  by Pact (2008 | 121 KB | )
  
• Attachment and the School Age Child
  by David Brodzinsky (2010 | 89 KB | )
  
• Baby, We Were Meant for Each Other: In Praise of Adoption
  by Scott Simon, Reviewed by Aaryn Belfer (2012 | 113 KB | )
  
• Bastard Nation - What’s In a Name
  by Damsel Plum (1998 | 121 KB | )
  
• Being a Birth Father
  by David Leymone Jones (2000 | 51 KB | )
  
• Being A Mommy - A Birth Parent Story
  by Marta Barton (2005 | 99 KB | )
  
• Birth Father Story
  by Paul Weber (2919 | 139 KB | )
  
• Birth Mother Survey
  (1997 | 96 KB | )
  
• Birth Parent Loss and Grief
  by Patricia E. Roles (1997 | 115 KB | )
  
• Birth Parent Profile - My Secret Life
  Michelle Cabrerra (1997 | 124 KB | )
  
• Birth Parents - Victims of Adoption?
  by Candace Kunz (1997 | 110 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Forever Fingerprints
  by Sherrie Eldridge (2007 | 86 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Lucky Girl
  by Mei-Ling Hopgood (2010 | 183 KB | )
  
• Book Review: Sam’s Sister
  by Juliet Bond (2003 | 75 KB | )
  
• Book Review: The Colours in Me: Writing & Poetry by Adopted Children & Youth
  Edited by Perlita Harris (2009 | 412 KB | )
  
• Book Review: The English American
  by Alison Larkin (2008 | 304 KB | )
  
• Book Review: The Third Choice
  by Leslie Foge and Gail Mosconi (2004 | 933 KB | )
  
• Book Review: We See The Moon
  by Carrie Kitze (2003 | 76 KB | )
  
• Borders of Belonging
  by Sofia Arroyo (2008 | 309 KB | )
  
• Changes in the Open Relationship
  by Candace Kunz (1992 | 95 KB | )
  
• Changes in the Open Relationship
  by Candace Kunz (1992 | 95 KB | )
  
• Choosing Adoption for One Child and Not Another
  by Brenda Romanchik (1995 | 334 KB | )
  
• Considering Placing a Child for Adoption: Thank You for Listening & Thoughts on Birth Motherhood
  by Susan Ledesma & Joy Retzlaff (2010 | 310 KB | )
  
• Different Birth Families of Adopted Siblings
  by Pam Hutsell (1994 | 110 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Did I Cry Too Much?
  by Beth Hall (2009 | 384 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Evolving Conversations Should Parents Initiate Talk about Adoption or Wait for their Child’s Questions?
  by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg (2010 | 104 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Getting Over It and Stepping It Up
  by Beth Hall (2011 | 130 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Naming NATE
  by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg (2009 | 572 KB | )
  
• Director’s Corner: Remember When I Came Out of Daddy’s Tummy?
  by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg (2009 | 616 KB | )
  
• Exploring Openness - Inter Country Style
  by Sue Douglas (1992 | 118 KB | )
  
• Family Stories: Carnegie & Sons
  by Pact (2009 | 130 KB | )
  
• Family Stories: Surprise Adoption
  by Jill Rege (2008 | 956 KB | )
  
• Family Stories: What Sophia Needed, Open Hearts, Open Minds
  (2011 | 1.85 MB | )
  
• Feelings of Love, Feelings of Pain
  by Kim Malcolm (1992 | 94 KB | )
  
• Film Review: Foster Parents Speak: Crossing Bridges and Fostering Change
  by Photosythesis Productions (2009 | 469 KB | )
  
• Fine Tuning Openness: Tools for Managing Relationships Between Birth and Adoptive Families
  by Adele Jones (2004 | 108 KB | )
  
• Four Lifelong Issues in Adoption
  by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg (2007 | 116 KB | )
  
• From A Birth Mother
  by Victoria Tittle (1995 | 95 KB | )
  
• Grief and Open Adoption
  by Candace Kunz (1992 | 94 KB | )
  
• I Never Thought of It Before - I Was Someone Else Before I Was Me
  by Lori Clemmons (1997 | 112 KB | )
  
• Is it Private or Is it Secret? Sorting Out What to Tell Whom
  by Pat Irwin Johnston, MS (2011 | 125 KB | )
  
• Kinship Style - Open, Closed, or Shifting
  by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall (1994 | 104 KB | )
  
• Letter From a Birth Father
  by David Jones (1997 | 107 KB | )
  
• Letter to the Editor - Mother’s Day
  by Janet Herring-Sherman (1994 | 95 KB | )
  
• Living An Open Adoption
  by Jennifer Ferrara (1997 | 120 KB | )
  
• Losing Lauren
  by Rachel Angeline (1994 | 324 KB | )
  
• My Dog Story
  by Penny Callan Partridge (1997 | 301 KB | )
  
• Never
  by Ellwyn Kauffman (2010 | 304 KB | )
  
• Nine and A Half Months
  by Allison Towle (1995 | 109 KB | )
  
• On Feeling Insignificant
  by Jane Calbreath (1997 | 103 KB | )
  
• Open Adoption Relationships
  by Becca Martinson (1992 | 111 KB | )
  
• Open Adoptions Navigating Our Differences
  by Jim Gritter (2004 | 95 KB | )
  
• Openness In Adoption
  by Pact (2010 | 52 KB | )
  
• Pact Family Stories: Up Close and Personal with Jamie Lee Curtis - an Interview with an Adoptive Mom
  Interviewed by Gail Steinberg (1997 | 413 KB | )
  
• Parenting the Next Time
  by Brenda Romanchik (1997 | 325 KB | )
  
• Please Tell Me What I Should Do?
  by Lynn Lape (1996 | 111 KB | )
  
• Promoting Understanding of Adoption Issues
  by Patricia Irwin Johnston (1993 | 337 KB | )
  
• Regret
  by Gillian J. Freney (2011 | 121 KB | )
  
• Rejoice in What Unites Us - Creating Kinship Systems
  by Beth Hall and Gail Steinberg (1994 | 110 KB | )
  
• Rosa’s Story: Adoption Then and Now Doing the Right Thing for the Wrong Reasons
  Anonymous (1997 | 85 KB | )
  
• So You Want To Open Your Child’s Adoption
  by Leslie Foge (2004 | 332 KB | )
  
• Speaking of Birth Parents
  by Marta Barton and Beth Hall (2000 | 125 KB | )
  
• Stepping Out of the Shadows: Birth Fathers Speak Out
  by Mary Martin Mason (1995 | 330 KB | )
  
• Still Parenting After All These Years
  by Gail Steinberg (1992 | 96 KB | )
  
• Synchronicity: The Sparks of Reunion
  by LaVonne Stiffler (1997 | 336 KB | )
  
• Taking Somebody’s Baby
  by Becca Martinson (1996 | 124 KB | )
  
• Talking to Your Adopted Adolescent about Adoption
  by Randolph W. Severson (1995 | 334 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: A Letter From My Heart
  by Melissa Cunningham (2010 | 327 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Adopted Teens Speak Out
  by Pact Teen Club (2009 | 373 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Dominique’s Journey
  by Dominique Parker (2005 | 94 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Mission Possible
  by Rabia Cons (2008 | 83 KB | )
  
• Teen Corner: Picture Me
  by Sofia Arroyo (2005 | 72 KB | )
  
• The Best Support
  by Carol Schaefer (1992 | 313 KB | )
  
• The Body’s Wisdom
  by Carol Schaefer (1995 | 324 KB | )
  
• The Dance of Trust
  by Becca Martinson (1992 | 104 KB | )
  
• The Missing Voice in the Professional Community
  by Candace Kunz (1996 | 115 KB | )
  
• The Name Game
  by Jae Ran Kim (2007 | 327 KB | )
  
• The Optimal Adoptive Launch
  by Michael D. Trout (1994 | 346 KB | )
  
• The Real Daughter
  by Colleen Houlihan  (1994 | 106 KB | )
  
• The Rights of Fathers in Prospective Infant Adoptions
  by Jon Ryan (1998 | 117 KB | )
  
• Twice a Mother - Unexpected Paths
  by Rachel Angeline (1997 | 109 KB | )
  
• Two Stories of Reunion
  A Review by Susan Ito (2011 | 122 KB | )
  
• Unconditional Love
  Maria Felipa (1998 | 94 KB | )
  
• Union and Transitions: A Ceremony of Entrustment
  by Rebecca Weller (1997 | 346 KB | )
  
• Unknown - I Was Adopted
  by Liza Steinberg (1996 | 106 KB | )
  
• When Do You Follow When Do You Lead - Talking to Children About Adoption
  by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall (2002 | 127 KB | )
  
• Which Comes First?
  by Lynn Lape (1994 | 108 KB | )
  

• The Importance of Talking About Birth Parents
• Secrecy Versus Privacy when Talking about Adoption
• Appropriate Terminology to use when Discussing Adoption

return to video list

return to video list

return to video list

return to top ^